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Tragedy Strikes Sullivan's Pond

Photo: Making pate can be an adventure


(SNN) After being sent yesterday by The Sage News Network to cover a memorial held for two geese that had been tragically run over, I sit at home today enjoying delicious foie gras on crackers.

The event was held at Sullivan’s Pond, Dartmouth, NS, and the poster stated, somewhat inappropriately I thought since this was a memorial for geese, ‘Happening in good weather for a person or a duck’. Strangely, I saw no ducks in attendance, however the distressed remaining geese honked, hissed, and bit at the mourners, and the pond’s ducks may have been expecting this bad behaviour.

Heartfelt sentiments before the ceremony were posted in the vein of, “These geese were our island neighbours,” although the reason for the reference to islanders is unclear as Dartmouth is on the mainland. Also expressed was, “Will there be a BQ?”, and “I’ll bring potato salad.”

It was all in a day’s work for me. In fact, only last week I attended a memorial for a sweater found crumpled on the highway. While on some occasions the cause is vehicular manslaughter, in this case it was suspected the sweater, being decidedly ugly, had been thrown from the window of a car, making it murder. That memorial took place in Cardigan, NS. Adding to the outrage in this close-knit community was how long it had taken the Salvation Army to retrieve the dead sweater.

As to the foie gras I’m enjoying today, tragedy struck again when a goose was run over repeatedly by the stream of leaving mourners. I’ll be covering the memorial for the third goose next Saturday, where it is expected attendance will be even larger. On the upside, the paté required very little effort to be made into a paste, and I’m looking forward to acquiring more in the future.

 

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
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