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Top 15 Rejected Nicknames for New Planes


(SNN) In WWII the Germans put wailing sirens on their Stuka dive bombers. Leave it to the Nazis to try to terrify people already terrified by the fact they are being bombed. 

But even the bad guys can make a sound point in the craft of war. Part of the battle is scaring the crap out of the other guy.  As an example, military airplanes traditionally have scary nicknames, and for a long time the US has led the way.

In World War II the US Army Air Corps had the famous B-17 “Flying Fortress" and other aircraft with nicknames like “Thunderbolt,” “Black Widow,” and “Hellcat.”

Currently the U.S. Air Force has the  F-16 “Fighting Falcon,” and the U.S. Navy and Marines are armed with the F-18 “Super Hornet.” But some other modern military airplanes make you wonder if the boys in Nomenclature are losing their touch.

How scary are military aircraft known as “The Warthog” or  “Osprey”?  The latest version of the fabled and incredibly expensive Stealth bomber--out the door at $2 billion per copy--includes radio and heater but not a scary nickname. 

It’s  called “The Spirit.” You don't want a bomber whose price tag is more terrifying than its nickname.

Other nations aren't much better.  The French Air Force mostly flies the "Surrender Monkey" and the Brits sport the contradictory nickname, "Teatime of Death" for their top fighter. Canada has two aircraft, both nicknamed "Hoser."

But that’s not why we called you here today. I have managed to obtain a Top Secret list of names for new military aircraft which were rejected because they weren’t scary enough.  The mind boggles.

  THE LIST

15. "The Fightin' Dungheap"

14. "Herekittykitty" 

13. "Quichemaster"

12. "Twinkletoes"

11. "Flying Friendmaker"

10. "Captain Crashalot" 

9. "Her Ladyship" (My mistake, that’s actually a rejected nickname for an aircraft carrier.)

8. "Sugardumplin’"

7. "Oopsie-Daisy"

6. "Petticoat Junction"

5. "Wobble-Wing Warrior"

4. "Sparepartsinformation"

3. "Who'sagoodboy?"

2. "Beerfarts" 

1. "Cher"

If you have other candidates, please let us know....

Photo: Some Rights Reserved by National Museum of the U.S. Airforce photostream . The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
More from John "Cork" Corcoran Jr.

 

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