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Ed Toolis' News Bits

Satire Snippets Ripped From Today's Headlines

Job Applicants Rush to Fill Job Opening

(SNN) When a scientist, who was the most often quoted climate skeptic, got caught taking $1.2 million, in exchange for his opinion, from Exxon, Southern Company, the American Petroleum Institute and the Charles G Koch Charitable Trust, he had to quit. Upon his departure, tens of thousands mailed resumes to the bribers.

Retired Writers Facing Destitution 

(SNN) “Unfortunately we blew all our money,” the leader of a group of aging writers said, in the lobby of a rundown Spy Novelists’ Retirement Home in Florida. “During the hay day, when we thought things would never end. But now we’re all frantically updating all our old bestselling plots.”

SNN Announces that a Swimsuit Edition Is in the Works

(SNN) When we found out that the Sports Illustrated swim-suit edition outsold all the other issues,” the editor said, “I had no choice but to place an ad on Craigslist for hot babes.”

Wisconsin Governor, Scott Walker, Ready to Take on ISIS

(SNN) “If I can take on 100,000 pro-union protesters as governor,” he said, “As president, I can do the same with the International Brotherhood of ISIS."


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DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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