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Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.


Bootcamp Training for Black Friday Winding Down

(SNN) - Tens of millions brush up on their skills of camping out overnight in the cold, hair-pulling, tripping others and doing karate chops to the throat, all to get ready to beat everyone else to the while-they-last bargains and in-short-supply dolls for their little darlings.


Ebola Scare Causes CDC to Study Alternatives to Handshakes

(SNN) - First it was coughing into your elbow, so you wouldn’t get sued for giving hundreds of friends, family and clients the flu. But Ebola has upped the stakes. And the question now is, will the high five or the fist bump save us all from financial ruin?

The Sage News Network is betting they’ll recommend texting.


Will You Help This Worthy Cause?

(SNN) - The head of Weedhaters.com is asking its members to spread rumors, saying there’s scientific evidence that dandelions and other weeds have anti-inflammatory properties, are full of antioxidants and significantly reduced diabetes, cancer, heart disease, erectile dysfunction, depression and so on.

“It’s our hope that the supplements industry, will pick up on it,” he said, “and those pests become one of America’s biggest exports, so they’ll end up on the EPA’s North American Endangered Species List and I won’t have to yell at my neighbors, because I have to spend three hours a month trying to kill the damn things.”


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DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
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