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Latest Headlines from the Sage Newsroom.


Tea Party Candidate Stunned that State Fair Crowd Thought He Was a Comic

(SNN) - “You mean that wasn’t a Stephen Colbert-type show?” exiting fans kept telling an SNN reporter, covering the event. “Crap, and here I was going to buy his album on iTunes,” another one spectator said.


9 Cities Pass “Don’t Walk and Text” Laws

(SNN) - “We had to do something,” said Chicago’s mayor Rahm Emanual. “Personal injuries, like walking into lampposts, and property damage, like walking through windows and denting taxi cabs, are up 7000% And if that doesn’t work, we’ll make walking insurance mandatory, like we have it with cars.”


Lifetime Screenwriters Overjoyed that Convicted Spy Pfc. Manning Is a Transsexual

(SNN) - “All we had before was an underdog being persecuted for leaking illegal activity, that the government repeatedly said they weren’t doing. But when we found out that he was demanding a sex change and be transferred to a woman’s prison, the screenplay practically wrote itself,” head writer said in promo spot with actors.


Latest Holder of Guinness World Records Announced

(SNN) - “Alicia Parnell lived without plastics for a whole 2 hours, 14 minutes and 12 seconds, breaking the previous record by 17 seconds,” a press release says.


Syria’s Assad: “Everything Will Return to Normal in a Month or Two.”


Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
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