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Culture Wars: Saturnalia

Photo: Those Saturnalians Sure Knew How to Party!

(SNN) - December is here and once again Romans are wearing red pointy hats, exchanging gifts, eating too much and looking forward to celebrating the Birth of The Lord on December 25th.

That’s right! The festival of Saturnalia starts on December 17th and culminates with the birthday of the glorious Sol Invictus on the 25th.  It’s the most beautiful time of the year when we light candles to counter winter’s darkness and pray that Sol will soon return light to the world.

This is the hopeful season when both the poor and the mighty decorate their homes and streets. Many will don outlandish costumes, and some  will take advantage of the total suspension of public morality to run around naked and engage in acts that, during the rest of the year, would be make a pig blush. For those who need extra encouragement there will be exotic drink to lubricate nights of wild dancing and general irreverence. 

Every city, town and hamlet across the empire will designate a “Lord of Misrule” to encourage mayhem and speak truth to power. Remember: short of murder, during Saturnalia week nothing you say or do can be held against you. Bosses become workers and workers, bosses.  The meek inherit the earth and turn it upside down, if only for a week so stick it to The Man!

Alas, there is a dark side to all the merriment. Prudish forces of political correctness are trying to co-opt our ancient traditions. Some insist upon saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Io Saturnalia.” They suggest that the week of mayhem and irreverence might better be replaced with just one quiet, solemn day on the 25th. 

Don’t be fooled by these newcomers! We must hold fast to our traditional values of lasciviousness and sacrifice. And when it comes to sacrifice, don't forget that the Gods prefer suckling pigs.

Io Saturnalia!

Photo by: Pilar Torres flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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