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France Refuses to Honor Warrantee on Louisiana Purchase

USA still has a bone to pick with Bonaparte

(SNN) - Citing a little known “satisfaction or your money back” clause in the Louisiana Purchase, Rebublicans in the US Congress have demanded a full refund on underperforming territories in the real estate portfolio acquired by Thomas Jefferson in 1803.

“We want to return Arkansas and Louisiana,” said Representative Michele Bachmann. “One is a drain on our resources and the other keeps flooding.” When pressed, Bachmann elaborated:  “The other states we acquired – Minnesota, North Dakota, Saskatchewan—they show promise. Some have even learned to read and write by now.”  

The entire purchase cost the USA $15 million back in 1803. Accounting for inflation, the US Treasury estimates the current value of Arkansas and Louisiana at $250,000.

Claiming that the lifetime warrantee had expired, French authorities expressed no interest in reasserting control over their former holdings even though both states allow the death penalty and drive-through liquor stores.

“These territories would be great for building Airbus factories, wineries, or raising snails,” Bachmann said. “Labor is cheap, public school is optional, and the friendly residents love rustic folklore and funny accents.”    

France, a nation famous for its je ne sais quoi, remained uninterested though one official suggested solving one Mideast dispute by offering Arkansas to the Palestinians. Bachmann thought this was a good idea.

Photo by: Ensign Beedrill flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed.

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