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Exploding Hockey Pucks Intercepted at Canadian Border

Canuck Hockey Subversives, The Montreal-Qaedians, Suspected

(SNN) - Tensions are reaching an all time high between the U.S. and Canada, as government officials in Ottawa wrestle with the latest crisis in relations between the two formerly friendly nations.

Meetings at the highest levels were taking place to discuss an item which appeared a few days ago in the American press. Here is the article:

"Washington DC/Aug 29, 2013 (Roto-Reuters). Terrorism has reached a whole new order of sophistication. Fortunately for us Americans, the Department of Homeland Security has a leg up on the new breed of invading hordes coming from our “ally” to the north.

Yesterday, a huge shipment of exploding hockey pucks, some of them with the destructive capacity of nuclear weapons, was intercepted coming across the U.S.-Canadian border.

It was not immediately known at which specific locations these hockey pucks would rain their devastation on innocent and unsuspecting Americans. However, DHS analysts have speculated that Minneapolis, Minnesota and Buffalo, New York were among the likely targets. Detroit was also mentioned but as one gentleman commented off the record, “What would be the point?”

Here we have more evidence that the horrifying assault on the American Way can take any form and further proof — as if we needed it — that the War on Terror must be waged with even greater toughness and continue indefinitely."

What Could Be Next?

Incendiary Gouda cheese or anthrax-laced chocolate from Holland?

iPhones manufactured in China embedded with hydrogen bombs set to go off when the new hit song from Pixie Lott is downloaded from the iTunes Store?

Crocodile Dundee-style bush hats with flesh-eating bacteria smeared on the hat bands?

Love dolls from Japan with spring-loaded Samurai swords?

It is obvious with the radicalization of Canada that America cannot trust anyone any more. Countries which were once allies are rapidly becoming more hotbeds of anti-Americanism, willing to host proliferating cells of Muslim radicals spreading their diseased vision of the world and determined to wreak havoc and destruction until every last American is killed.

We should all sleep a little sounder knowing that there are brave American border guards standing strong, patrolling our “Maginot Line” with Canada, and keeping America safe.

Photo by: June Campbell flickr photostream, Some Rights Reserved, The Sage nor this article endorsed

John Rachel has a B. A. in Philosophy, has traveled extensively, is a songwriter, music producer, novelist, a left-of-left liberal, and has spent his entire life trying to resolve the intrinsic clash between the metaphysical purity of Buddhism and the overwhelming appeal of narcissism.  


DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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