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Notley to Legalize Pot to Balance Alberta Books

Photo: Are those love beads she's wearing?

(SNN) Newly elected premier-elect, Rachel Notley, is planning to make up the $7 Billion shortfall in provincial revenues by legalizing and taxing marijuana. She says ‘happy hay’ should be available in provincial liquor stores by Canada Day, which will provincially be changed to Cannabis Day.

“It is a natural, sustainable, popular way to generate revenue without hurting the lower class, the upper class or even those with no class. And no, I am not referring to the PCs,” said Notley in a media scrum following her astonishing win. "We believe this will also get everybody to just chill about having just elected a bunch of socialists."

“What do you expect from a commie, heathen, born again hippie like my honourable colleague, Ms. Notley?” wondered Wildrose Leader Brian Jean at her announcement. “Thank God she didn’t mention this in the election or we would have been wiped off the electoral map, too.”

Dr. David Swann, the leader of the provincial Liberals was aghast at the move by Notley.

“Doesn’t she know that marijuana use can undermine ambition?” Swann asked rhetorically. “I bet she’s a chromic smoker herself.  I bet she isn't at all ambitious. Crazy lefty hippie freak. Better than Prentice, at least.”

In response to the Notley weed offensive, Alberta Party leader and sole MLA, Greg Clark said, “Who cares? I won! HAHAHAHA! I won! I won! Woohoo!”

Jim Prentice was unavailable for comment.

Unaltered Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Dave Cournoyer Flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can  be located here .

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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