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Man Sues Cops; 'Radar Gave Me Cancer'

Photo: A Perfect Picture of a Bad Day

(SNN) A judge has placed a moratorium that covers the entire state of New York, on all speed enforcement equipment that uses electromagnetic waves, such as “radar guns”, in response to a lawsuit brought by Buffalo, NY male escourt, Jeremy Wrinklestaph. Judge Foyeur Zelf has found that there was enough preliminary evidence presented by the plaintiff’s lawyer, noted barrister, F. U. Dailey, to warrant the moratorium.

"When radar detectors were originally manufactured, they operated at a sizzling oscillation frequency of the electromagnetic energy wave of 10.525 billion cycles per second," explained Dailey. "Now, however, they operate in the much higher ranges that can top out at 34,400 billion cycles per second; almost a 300% increase. They're like cancer manufacturing devices."

"My client has a doctor's deposition positively stating the plaintiff was in perfect health, otherwise, with no known lifestyle risks for cancer other than driving through dozens of radar traps on his daily commute. There is no history of cancer in Mr. Wrinklestaph's family, either, nor does he use electronics at home. He does not microwave his vegetarian food or use sugar substitutes. Or sugar."

The Chief of police for the city of Buffalo, Captain Ann Tenneal, was very concerned about the situation.

"This is a travesty of justice!" stated Chief Tenneal. "How can we ever replace that revenue, I mean keep people safe from speeders on our roads? Also, rumours that those radar guns have melted some of our officers' hat brims is just gossip amongst the rank and file. A couple of the hats were obviously melted with a lighter or something instead. The rest, we are looking into."

 Unaltered Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Doug Wertman flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here

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