(SNN) After winning an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of an abusive orchestra director in "Whiplash," actor and spokesperson for Farmers Insurance, J.K. Simmons, is now in a position to make demands of the insurance company's ad agency. The Sage obtained a list of Mr. Simmons from an undisclosed source:
- An on-set trailer where I can get into character – and not have to rehearse lines standing in a bathroom somewhere. The echoes throw off my timing. I feel like a baseball stadium announcer: "Now-ow bating-ing...Farm-ers Insurance-ance!"
- A bowl of M&Ms in the trailer with all the brown ones picked out. Ever since I read why Van Halen had that in their concert contracts, I've wanted to request that -- but I would be fine with just a couple of those fun-size packets.
- A chauffeur to drive me to the set or to an appearance – but they shouldn’t start a conversation with me. If they're going to talk to anyone, if they're lucky enough to have a parent or two alive on this planet, they should call their mom and dad. But don’t text them while driving. That's illegal in many states.
- And the chauffeur should not stare at me through the rearview mirror. That's just not safe, either. Imagine the reaction on Twitter if we got into an accident on the way to shooting an insurance commercial.
- My Farmers' Insurance character should have more of backstory. I mean why do people know Flo from Progressive but don't know the name of my character? Does he even have a name?
- Can I show my range beyond "lovable and gruff" in future "University of Farmers" ads? You know, I sang on Broadway and turned a portrayal of a psychotic music teacher into an Oscar-winning performance.
- Can we push the boundaries of traditional insurance ads? To prevent viewers from tuning out commercials that are too predictable, let’s do a crossover ad with The World's (Other) Most Interesting Man. who could say, "I don't always drink beer but when I do, I always check with my Farmers Insurance broker."
- No gratutious nudity--unless it serves the story in the commercial.
- Oh, and I want to direct.
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