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How to Make Love in a Canoe


One night a young amorous Sioux

Had a date with a maiden he knioux;

The coroner found

The couple had drowned

Making love in a leaky canoe

-Anonymous

(SNN) The French gave the world a kiss, the Spanish provided an aphrodisiac. What have we Canadians contributed? The concept of making love in a canoe. Here’s how to do it, first of all keeping in mind the loons aren’t laughing hysterically at you, it’s just their call.

Getting rid of everything you don’t absolutely need: Making love in a canoe is all about balance. Beer, Canadian bacon, and that box of Timmy’s donuts must be thrown overboard. Well, maybe just the beer.

Laying low and going slow: Before getting underway, distribute your combined weight so that the canoe is properly balanced fore and aft as well as side-to-side. And don’t get too carried away or you may be surprised by the result.

Moving and cruising: Movement along the length may result in forward motion of the canoe. Airlines may have effectively abolished sex in the air, but sex on the water is still possible.

A word of caution: Some restrictions may apply, and results may vary.

On achieving success: If you do manage to accomplish this tricky act without tipping the canoe, be sure to send a video of it to the CBC. It can then be aired in Quebec, which has far fewer restrictions on this kind content than the other provinces. It might even go viral.

Oh, and there has been another Canadian contribution from when the canoe does tip – it’s called "shrinkage syndrome”.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
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