(SNN) - Q: The North Korean News Network says that if you don’t surrender, they’re going to have millions of pizzas and Chinese food orders delivered to the Canadian people, using our stolen credit card numbers. Why are you putting us through this?
- Let me make this clear. My constitutional right to expose Kim Jung-Un’s flagrant violation of his own parking laws outweighs the Canadian government’s need to protect its national security, the lives of all the secret agents they have in North Korea and the people’s credit scores.
Q: Now that you’re a household name, aren’t you afraid you’ll be recognized, no matter what country you’re hiding in? After all, everybody’s checking everyone out, hoping to score the quarter of a million dollar reward that’s on your head.
- No. I converted all my pics on Facebook over to the man who gave me my first job as a reporter, and then fired me three months later, saying I would never amount to anything in this business (laughs). And I just love those pics of him jumping off bridges into rivers and the campfires he’s left, with uneaten squirrels still on the sticks being used as a rotisserie.
Q: Your biography in Wikipedia. Is all that really true?
- Don’t believe a word of it. Everything in there is a blatant attempt to smear my good name and my many sexual exploits. And further, I do not own stock in any pizza or Chinese food chain. That’s the problem with the digital media age. Anyone can create a falsehood and everyone in the media repeats it, as if it's fact, without bothering to verify the facts.
Q: About your wife’s memoir, that has struck a cord with hundreds of millions of women. Don’t you at least feel guilty about that?
- (crosses heart and hopes to die) She never wrote any damn memoir. And the only reason she’s going on Oprah, Ellen DeGeneres, and The View is get the public to finally believe her.
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