(SNN) - US stock markets slumped on news that the bug-ridden Obamacare website, “healthcare.gov,” has already cost more than the Iraq War. Estimates released from Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann’s office put the cost of the roll-out at well over a trillion dollars.
Optimistic Obama Administration officials were quick to cite that of the estimated 300,000 people attempting to sign up for insurance accounts, almost 6 have managed to complete their application. When pressed, officials recommended that people who are uncomfortable with online forms should print out each of the site’s 67 pages and complete them by hand.
Congresswoman Bachmann insisted that the site should have been at least as user-friendly as her CompuServe email account. Bachmann is threatening to launch a full-scale investigation as to how a staff of mostly unpaid interns managed to spend over a trillion dollars.
"How much could a bunch of kids spend on punch cards, Mountain Dew and Fortran manuals?” she demanded. “I intend to shut down the government until we understand where all the money went.”
Health and Human Services officials took pains to highlight the unforeseen difficulties they encountered when trying to coordinate over 5000 contractors in 23 countries. On the bright side, they expressed pride at the number of new software millionaires created by the massive undertaking. Critics, however, were quick to question the strategy of paying programmers $1 per line of code and $2 for every resolved bug.
The website that was supposed to reduce healthcare costs is now causing premiums to soar as emergency rooms report an increase in frustrated customers collapsing from stress and panic attacks.
“Most Americans would rather die than have Obamacare,” Bachmann insisted. “And I intend to see that they do.”
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