- Newsflash #1: The following article is Not Satire, Actually.
- Newsflash #2: I’m Not Saying Anything is wrong or even irrefutable, just that Noticeably Suspicious Activity is occurring concerning a certain American social media.
- Newsflash #3: Facebook is taking over the world! Don’t believe me? Try accessing your Spotify, Pinterest, Good Reads, Scrabble, etc, etc, etc account after deactivating your Facebook account. Doesn’t work, does it?
(SNN) - No problem, you say. I’ll just sign in using my email and password. BAM! “Welcome back to Facebook! Your Facebook account has been reactivated.” For you. No extra effort on your part required. Just another Neato Special Attribute of the world’s favorite social media outlet.
And it’s almost as if someone or some organization would really prefer it if you would remain visible and accessible on Facebook. You know, for the recipes and stuff. But I’m Not Saying Anything is wrong with it.
Not interested in posting your latest recipe for say, Naturally Sweet Apple-juice? But look, signing up for games and apps is so much easier with a Facebook account, you might as well have one. And post the recipe! Maybe your Neice’s Sweetest Aunt award is a little over the top, but surely your Nanna’s Sister’s Acquaintance would love to see it. Go ahead, just post it and forget about it. Facebook will take care of the hard work.
They’ll even tag the faces in all your photos with the names of everyone in the photo! That’s a little frightening. But don’t worry, Facebook is your Neutral, Switzerland-like Ally.
Even scarier? Wondering where Facebook secured state-of-the-art, high-tech, futuristic facial recognition technology of this caliber. Perhaps Facebook has a Naturally Superlative Associate, too.
Photo: Some rights reserved by Interact Egypt - Play Innovation flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed.
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