(SNN) - The American economy imploded as Obamacare insurance exchanges released a torrent of viruses that destroyed the internet.
The unheeded warnings of Republican lawmakers were vindicated, just before the constitution was suspended and the government was dissolved by left wing extremists. Independent reports of jailed Tea Party lawmakers being forced to watch Teletubbies reruns could not be confirmed.
Martial law was declared as socialized medicine spread like a plague. A junta of foreign-born generals imposed a military crackdown and instructed jackbooted federal agents to seize guns from law-abiding citizens.
Homosexuals took advantage of the chaos to impose their heretofore secret Gay Agenda across much of the rural south. “We are not red states. We are not blue states. We are pink states,” a crew cut spokeswoman insisted.
Hollywood released a slew of age-inappropriate movies that were broadcast live over the freshly nationalized Fox News stations. The video game industry celebrated the collapse of all moral standards by releasing hyper-realistic first person shooters in which children were encouraged to shoot puppies with automatic weapons for no good reason.
Catholic schools were forced to distribute condoms and cathedrals were turned into Planned Parenthood clinics. Many churches reported instances of bibles erupting in flames of spontaneous combustion.
“The President’s agenda is now complete,” said a reptile-skinned White House spokesman who identified himself only as Lucifer. “We’re looking forward to beginning the War on Christmas early this year.”
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