(SNN) - After years of speculation, former Italian prime minister, Silvio Berlusconi, has finally confirmed that his scalp is disfigured by an enormous bald spot twice the size of his head.
In an explosive news conference, the 76 year old tycoon announced that he had been using up to 20 black markers every day to cover bare patches on his head and chest, although he refused to be drawn on other areas of his body. He admitted he had grown dependent on the pens during his last term in office but that following his generous donation to the Institute of Hairdressing at Padua University, a team led by Prof. Antonella Woozie had developed a revolutionary new solution to alopecia.
Speaking separately at her research salon, Prof. Woozie told reporters that the new product was based on some "dark stuff" she had found on her bathroom ceiling. The mysterious substance was later isolated and identified as black mold by a specialist team of plumbers.
Prof. Woozie explained that the mold thrived on any surface, even in the most extreme environmental conditions and apart from causing severe skin irritation and potentially fatal asthma attacks, it had no known side effects. While the fungus could be wiped from the skin with moderate ease, researchers discovered it was impossible to eliminate entirely and that a full head of the artificial hair could be regrown within weeks. Tests have so far revealed that the mold is completely indistinguishable from natural locks at a distance of 100 feet.
In an exciting development, Prof. Woozie also announced that her team was working on an eco-friendly hair covering using "icky green gunk" she discovered in a fish tank. Although analytical results were still outstanding, she said early indications were that it consisted of either algae or emeralds. If the presence of algae is eventually verified, Mr. Berlusconi's dream of photosynthesising toupées maybe just one step closer.
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