(SNN) - In a step that was controversial in some social circles, an office of the Canadian government has laid down the law. Obedience Canada, a lesser known offshoot of CSIS has begun to crack down on men who refuse to follow instructions. While it is a well-known fact that the gender in question does not actually hear instructions being meted out, they will be held accountable to CSIS for any unperformed task given to them.
“How can we follow through when the person giving us instructions sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher?” lamented Ivan Taclew, spokesperson for the group United Men of Ontario, Yukon and Alberta, (UM...OYA). “It just isn’t fair. Bosses, wives, police...they all talk to us without grabbing our attention first and then are so offended when we don’t hear what they say. Wives, especially, are difficult to obey since they communicate in a wavelength inaudible to most men, and certainly all husbands.”
Addressing written instructions, Taclew admitted it’s an uphill battle to get men to obey instructions on a sheet of paper, too, but the agency has gone too far.
“I understand that to begin the processes of socializing males to accept written directions, OC agents have been following men home from Ikea and issuing warnings,” claimed Taclew. “Who do they think they are… the Quebec language police?”
Following a month of unauthorized undercover work at Obedience Canada, this Sage reporter got the inside dirt on the agency’s controversial program. Apparently, according to sources close to the bathroom, the “written instruction initiative” started when an Obedience Canada agent was pursuing a bodily function. In the boredom caused by forgetting the newspaper, he happened to read the label on his underwear. The garment directed the undie owner that the clothing item was to be washed in warm water, tumbled dry on low temperature and ironed with a setting on low. A short survey of his colleagues exposed a frightening shortage of men who iron their underwear, causing panic in the Obedience offices. According to informed sources the initiative to address the pressing issue was given a high priority.
The Sage will monitor the situation for any updates, as long as our wives are okay with it.
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