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Auto Makers Drive for Stoner Market

Photo: The target demographic

(SNN) According to a leaked memo from an influential vehicle manufacturer consultancy group, car makers are gearing up to create vehicles designed for marijuana enthusiasts. Although the organization is vocal about the dangers of driving under the influence of anything but prestige, they claim to be reacting to national trends.

The leaked memo was apparently written by Hep-yu Park, chairman of the American Association of Augmented Automotive Habitats (AAAAH), a national group of design specialists who advise auto makers on ergonomics and safety. In the memo, Park former head of Design Development at Korean-based Kia Motors, encouraged association members to keep marijuana users, known in the industry as "stoners", uppermost in their design plans. 

Here are some passages from the memo:

"It is clear many jurisdictions are moving forward with relaxing marijuana laws and we must respond to this reality. We all know the only reason anyone would want a self-driving car is to be able to chug saki on the way home from work." 

"Features such as park assist, lane departure warnings, and collision-avoidance systems are a great start for capturing this large lucrative market. Oh and we will have to put easy-to-reach ashtrays and lighters back in the console."

"We can't stop governments from enacting legislation that affects the optimal operation of a vehicle. However, we can create design features to minimize the effect and save lives. Don't forget, this demographic believes in "Buy high, sell low"." 

"Looking long-term, when cars are truly autonomous and the world is safe from human error on the roads, we will have to start looking at features such as blunt rollers and dab rigs. Maybe even a mineral water dispenser and storage area for munchies."

Park, nor any member of AAAAH, would return our phone calls or emails to comment on the memo.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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