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Canada Agrees to Take in 25,000 U.S. Refugees

Photo: There's a lot of that going around

(SNN) Following Donald Trump's official ascension as the GOP nominee for the leadership of the last super-power, droves of fearful Americans have been applying for refugee status, trying to flee what they believe will be a soon-to-be failed state.

"With the United Nations High Commission on Refugees facing a glut in refugee applications from so-called "blue state" U.S. citizens, the government of Canada has agreed to accept 25,000 refugees from these anxious states," said Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in a speech at the Parliamentary Tim Horton's donut kiosk.

"Canada will not shirk its duty in this regard and we are confident these new Canadians will eventually adopt our culture and languages quickly," Trudeau stated in his trademarked smooth, forthright manner. "We accept these people on our terms, however. Despite reservations by groups such as Human Rights Watch, we will continue with the "Curling Awareness" requirement for all immigrants."

Unable to call Immigration Canada at any time that wasn't experiencing a higher than normal rate of calls, The Sage contacted an industry insider to shed some light on the sudden influx of refugee claims.

"Folks talking about moving to Canada from the U.S. happens every election cycle," said veteran Toronto, Canada realtor, Will "Bill" Toosute in a telephone interview. "When Obama was elected we got all kinds of calls from Republicans fleeing "the socialist hordes". They would have been in for a big surprise moving to Canada with the socialized medicine we have, which makes Obamacare look positively rightwing. Very few ever follow through with their moving plans, though."

"It is a bit different this year, I have to admit," Toosute added. "There are a lot more calls and the callers sound far more desperate. Some crying, even. I'm not surprised Immigration Canada is swamped with applicants, both through regular channels and via the refugee system."

A number of Canadian conservative families who had originally agreed to sponsor Syrian refugees are reported to now be asking to trade their Syrians for Americans. Apparently, some of the host families had thought they were getting Aryans, not Syrians. Other unconfirmed reports say, currently, on the black market in Canada, you can get two Syrians for one American.

News of Trudeau's speech spread quickly and a sit-in in front of the Immigration Department telephone was held by right wing protestors upset about the government "letting in people from such a violent country".

Photo credit: Some Rights Reserved by Dan Moyle Flickr photostream. The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can also be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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