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Tyndall Report Makes Media Admit Sanders is Running for POTUS

Photo: "He blends in so well, we didn't notice him"

(SNN) Thanks to this heavily publicized study in the Tyndall Report, which showed how little press Bernie Sanders received from major media sources, the Main Stream Media (a division of Establishment Inc.) was forced to learn Vermont Senator Bernard “Bernie” Sanders is in the hunt to become the Democratic choice to vie for the U.S. presidency. Many news outlets admitted they hadn’t really noticed the diminutive, elderly man who appears more like the type to holler at kids on his lawn than lead a rebellion.

“Of course we will try and fit in a suitable time to interview Mr... Sanders, was it?” said Assistant to the Secretary of the Program Manager at FOX News, Lyle Bett. “It is always a great human interest story to feature a little guy trying to make a ripple as a fringe candidate.”

An un-named source at ABC News claimed they had known about the Sanders bid since “before last Wednesday” but had scrapped the story in favor of an article about the weather. 

“Weather actually affects people directly,” they claimed. “People notice rain more than they do a guy like this Sanders person.”

An insider at CNN, known to reporters only as “Deep Coop” expressed shock that they had somehow missed Sanders during filming of various political events. The source claimed network executives agreed to blame it on their cameramen who are all quite tall and must have aimed their cameras over the gnomish candidate’s head.

“It’s like trying to pick out the kindergartener in a crowd of high school kids,” he said.

When contacted by the Sage News, the editorial board of NBC News issued this statement, “We thought they were talking about Colonel Sanders of deep-fried poultry fame. We figured it was one of those Internet things like John Scott being picked for the NHL All Star Game or the “Boaty McBoatface” incident.

When pressed to say whether they will provide Sanders with more coverage going forward now that he has an impressive string of victories behind him, the unanimous response from the media spokespeople was an unqualified “Yeah, maybe. We’ll definitely think about it.”

Photo credit: Some Rights Reserved by the incredibly talented DonkeyHotey Flickr photostream (well worth a visit), The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can also be found here.




DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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