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Mr. Trudeau's Budget Parable

Photo: It's all part of the plan

"So, Mr. Trudeau, please come into my office. Sit down and make yourself comfortable. Coffee?"

"Nice office! No coffee, though, thanks, I'm good. And please call me Ollin."

"Certainly, Ollin, and I'd be pleased for you to call me Frank."

"Great, Frank! So as you know, I am talking to you as my bank manager because it is time for a budget and due to circumstances beyond my control, I find myself facing a tough go of it when I compare revenues against expenditures. I do have a plan laid out to circle that square but I thought I would run it by you to see how sound my strategy is."

"That's excellent, Ollin. I had feared you hadn't given much thought to the deficit in your finances."

"Oh no, I'm on it like a cabbie on an Uber driver. Hang on, before we continue, we should take a photo to commemorate this day. Say cheese!"

"Oh uh okay. Now if we could get back to the business at hand; your budget."

"Oh, I'm not that worried about it. If you spend money correctly, Frank, a budget will balance itself."

"Really? You don't say? Please explain."

"Well, you see, Frank, it's all about stimulating the economy. If I spend a load of money, businesses will prosper, employment will boom and all the homes in the area, including mine, will rise in value. I will become rich!"

"But looking at your finances, Ollin, you don't really have any money to throw around to boost these businesses. You're significantly in debt."

"Oh, I know. But it's old debt so it doesn't really count, see, plus a lot of it is credit card debt which gave me lots of free air miles for taking trips all over. Hang on. Gotta light? Wait, never mind. Here's mine. Care for a puff? No? Whatever. Mmmmmmmm.... Oh ya... Anyway, where was I? Oh right, debt. You see, what we need is some new debt to get things rolling so I am going to borrow the money to spend to fulfill my plan of getting rich."

"I see. So your plan is to spend your way to wealth, then? You don't see it as the same as logic as fighting for peace or having sex to promote abstinence?"

"Oh no, not at all. It is a time honoured tradition among the guys I party with. They've been doing this for decades."

"However, using debt to provide the trappings of wealth isn't sustainable, Ollin. Who will pay the huge debt you plan to rack up to enrich yourself?

"No problem, Frank! I didn't mention it, but I am a big family man. I'm sure my kids will help out and the grandkids, eventually, too."

"You are planning to saddle your kids with all this debt so you can live high on the hog and look successful? You are beneath contempt! I cannot give you this loan under the circumstances. In fact, I must ask you to leave. You don't deserve to sit in this office."

Photo credit: Some Rights Reserved by the amazing frankieleon Flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can also be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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