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Health Canada Warns of 'Justin Fatigue' Epidemic

Photo: He's everywhere.


(SNN) Dr. Omar Gird, head of the National Epidemics We Should Really Do Something About Department of Health Canada has issued a country-wide warning about " Acute Justin Fatigue".

According to Dr. Gird, this epidemic is affecting over 30% of the population and could create a depression-related national crisis.

Signs of becoming a victim of AJF include:

  • Unexpected weeping while reading popular media.
  • Sudden fear of social media platforms.
  • You cancelled your subscription to Vogue in your sleep.
  • You see Justin's face instead of your own in selfies.
  • You develop trust issues when attractive people promise you things.
  • You panic when you hear the phrases such as, "new taxes" and "Canadian economic outlook".

"If you have experienced any or all of these symptoms, it is important for you to seek professional counselling," advised Dr. Gird. "It probably won't help since every province underfunds mental health services, but you never know."

Another alternative, according to the departmental news release, is to buy an app from a holding company of Dr. Gird's which replaces the image of Justin Trudeau with various pictures of cute puppies and kittens in all online news stories.

"Modern medicine can only do so much. Being able to wipe out his daily pictures on cbc.ca and Huffpost Canada won't help those who prefer printed copy," admitted the doctor. "but it is part of the reason the medium will die. And on the plus side, I will make a fortune!"

Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Sarah-Rose Flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can also be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
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