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ISIS Changes Name to Presbyterian State to Protect Muslims

Photo: A troop of anonymous PSIS warriors prepare for battle

(SNN) Admitting that their policies of indiscriminate destruction, cruel brutality, and not being very nice are bringing strife to the millions of normal, peace-loving, non-radicalized Muslims, the top leaders of ISIS have issued a proclamation changing their name to the Presbyterian State.

"Obviously, our stated goal of violent confrontation toward total world domination is a contradiction to the Muslim principles of peace anyway, so the name is actually irrelevant," said Ali Manamye Wackee." Therefore, rather than causing grief, heartache, and suspicion toward our peaceful brethren and cistern, we will cause grief, heartache and suspicion toward Scottish people."

Toward their goal of rebranding, PSIS, as they now wish to be known, has issued kilts to all their fighters which the hardened combatants all claim are "delightfully breezy". Also, traditional headgear will be replaced by tamoshanters, and sporens will be part of their uniform, as well.

To further disassociate themselves from their ISIS brand, PSIS officials are encouraging their followers to play golf and drink scotch whisky to excess while sucking on scotch mints and munching on haggis.

"We still intend to be as ruthless and cruelly hard-hearted as before but at least our families might talk to us again," added Manameye Wackee. "Plus our breath will be minty fresh."

Photo: Some Rights Reserved by kf0nz1 Flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can also be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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