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New Poll Shows Polling is Second Least Trusted Profession

Photo: It's their sworn duty to interupt your supper

(SNN) A survey of Canadians by Nimmynose Research has shown that a vast majority of Canadians trust political polling companies as far as they can throw an uncrumpled piece of single-ply bathroom tissue. According to the data gathered by the company via landlines, cell phones, Internet chatrooms and the comment section of Ashley Madison, an overwhelming amount of respondents rated pollsters below used car salesmen, door-to-door vacuum providers, drug dealers, economists and weathermen for trustworthiness. The only group that was below them were the actual politicians pollsters usually focus on.

“It is understandable why people distrust polling companies,” admitted Nick Nimmynose, CEO of the polling company that bears his name. “We tell you up front how wrong we might be. How would you like it if the amount of money a bank machine would eject was only correct within 3 percentage points 19 times out of 20? I will say this, though, although we're often wrong, afterwards we think we know why.”

“The fact that anyone can hire a polling company to produce whatever results they wish to see, does impact on the credibility of the profession,” agreed Al Numer, President of Dumpus Data; a competitor of Nimmynose. “The reality is, there are people out there who will agree with whatever cockamamie idea you can come up with, if you ask the right demographic or ask the correct questions. I’m sure we could find a segment of the population that believes all the leaders of the federal parties are alien proxies from the planet Zortoch, when, in fact, this is only true of Gille Duceppe.”

Another polling-related issue that confounds the public and reduces the amount of faith they have in polling companies is their invariable use of small samples to extrapolate the findings to be representative of the whole.  This causes polling to be radically different from company to company causing trust issues worse than folks have with paycheck loan companies. Here’s the CEO of For ‘Em Research, Cal Q. Later.

“On any given day during “#elexn42”, for example,” observed Later, “any one of the three major parties appear to be leading. The man on the street surely must be curious how they can all be so different. It is even likely if the Greens had any money, they could hire a polling company to show them in the lead, too. No wonder the election landscape is littered with examples of where the pollsters got it horribly wrong.”

“To demonstrate how ridiculous the current state of polling is,” says The Sage’s Senior Polling Analyst, Link “The Count” Floyd, “there is another polling company that polls all the other polling companies to try and get an average of what all these sketchy polls are indicating. You would think if polling was as scientific as pollsters claim, they should all agree already, shouldn’t they?”

Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Vitor Lima Flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can also be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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