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CPC Election Hopeful Forced to Withdraw Due to Kindergarten Taunts

Photo: The class photo where the incident occurred


(SNN) Another Conservative candidate has withdrawn his name after sources revealed he has a history of bad behaviour. According to former Kindergarten classmate, Millicent Snarkburn, the CPC pick for Etobicoke-Big Smoke, Elmore Ponce, once called a classmate "doodoo head".

The cruel verbal attack happened during the class photo shoot. Snark claims it was entirely unprovoked although another classmate, Sally Tweedmeyer thinks she might have seen Millie slug Ponce on the arm moments before but couldn't be sure.

As soon as the news of the altercation was released, Ponce began trending on social media channels. Decried as a "mysogynist-in-the-making" Ponce suddenly became as electable as Omar Khadr.

The hashtag #doodoohead became the talk of the Twitterverse. Someone reportedly even phoned Ponce's cell but it turned out to be a wrong number.

"I kind of thought there was some kind of statute of limitations on stupidity," explained Ponce at a hastily-arranged press conference at Mrs. Batte-Lax's Kindergarten classroom close to his former office. "Now I see we must all be held accountable for everything we have ever uttered. It is the only way if we want to maintain the level of perfection we seek in our elected officials."

A rally that was to have been held by a local women's group, "Broads for Chicks", in front of Ponce's election headquarters was called off due to Ponce's withdrawal and word that there was a huge sale at Reitman's.

Photo: Some Rights Reserved by John Atherton Flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can also be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
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