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Authorities Seeking Possessed Toilet Last Seen in Washington

Haunted crapper has long record of offences

(SNN) Paranormal investigators adopted a new term this week with the discovery of a possessed toilet in Bangor, Maine. “Poltergeist”, as it translates is a "noisy ghost", "rumble-ghost" or a "loud spirit" and has been known to attach itself to a person or persons. This week, the P.S.I (Society of Paranormal Investigators) have coined the term, “Shattergeist”, which by definition means a promiscuous ghost or spirit known to attach itself to one washroom appliance. In this case, a toilet.

The Haunted Toilet

“It is a very interesting case,” stated Emma Wroids, lead paranormal investigator for the P.S.I. “It started in a report going back to 1983 in Oatmeal, Texas.” Wroids stated that an Oatmeal family had reported repeated cases of irritated anal cavities, which at first had brought the husband under investigation by the local social services agencies for abuse. But a fluke plumbing problem in the home saw the family renovate their bathroom and the irritations stopped.

“We were able to connect that toilet to three other families over the past thirty years,” stated Wroids. “Each time, the toilet had been sold and installed into homes across the country.” According to Wroids, the victims of the hauntings experienced growling noises from the toilet bowl, anal irritations, impacted bowels, irritable bowel syndrome, and constipation brought on by anxiety. In one of the more extreme cases, a young woman felt "deep pressure" and she was unable to get off the toilet.

“The toilet was last discovered to be installed in a home in Washington D.C.,” advised Wroids, “but it has since been changed out.”

The Toilet's Origin

Detailed images of the toilet revealed that it was manufactured in 1948 by an now defunct appliance company known then as the “Plumbers Office of Pennsylvania”. The toilet had been originally installed into a clinic occupied by a practitioner of proctology and dentistry, who was known by the name of Dr. Nick Rofillia; he was the very same infamous doctor who was the cause of the severe gastrointestinal infection epidemic of 1952, resulting in hundred of deaths. “He took his own life in 1953 while sitting on the toilet that was installed in his office,” Wroid explained.

“We don't know if the Shattergeist occupying this particular toilet is that of Dr. Nick Rofillia, but our confidence is high,” stated Wroids. “To date, we don't know where the toilet is, but we do know that its last location was in D.C..

According to the P.S.I., the toilet can be identified as a white porcelain colour, with the blue stamp “P.O.P.” under the water tank. When flushed, the toilet makes a distinct sound of gurgling water accompanied by a slight whining noise, while being occupied.

It is suggested if you have this toilet installed, have it removed and taken to the nearest landfill.

Image: “Old toiletSome Rights Reserved by andiezoe. The Sage nor this article endorsed.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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