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Iran's Khamenei Imposes Strict Anti-terrorism Laws

(SNN) Following the nuclear deal between Tehran and six nations, Iran's supreme leader, Ali Khamenei, surprised the international community with new anti-terrorism laws.

White House mouthpiece Jose' Earnstbaum announced Sunday,”As a result of our efforts, Iran will become a more malleable nation and a good friend.” According to Jose', Iran's Khamenei will become hard on terrorism, ending years of tension between the two nations.

What is being lauded as a victory for Obama, it appears that after meetings between the two supreme leaders, Iran has warmed up to the US; and comments made by Khamenei are being held up as proof. “Their intention, in their imagination, was to find a way to infiltrate our country,” Mr. Khamenei said, adding that Iran would “confront this infiltration with full power, which is thankfully high today.”

“He is such a kidder,” added Earnstbaum, “he even high-fived and winked at Obama after making similar comments, but we really connected. We are not surprised that Iran will become tough on terrorism.”

The new Anti-terrorism laws include:

  1. Anti-Personnel Devices used or produced in Iran, shall not have an effective range that exceeds 20 meters, unless the roadway targeted is more than two lanes.
  2. A value added tax will be levied on sales of potassium nitrate, charcoal, sulphur, aluminum, magnesium, potassium chlorate, and nails.
  3. Men who commit suicide bombings shall be immediately collected, contained, and could find themselves serving a 10 year jail sentence.
  4. It will become unlawful for men be used in suicide bombings.
  5. Anybody who leaves Iran to join ISIS will be taxed two goats.
  6. The use of Toyota's will no longer be tolerated for car bombings, a trend that became fashionable after old Chevy Nova's became scarce.
  7. Possession of AK-47's will be limited to two per household.

The normalizing of the US-Iran relations will be the crowning achievement for the Obama Administration. “Not since the days of Nixon, have we had a better friend in Iran,” concluded Earnstbaum

Image: CC BY 3.0 Uploaded by Russavia The Sage nor this article endorsed. Source: Wikipedia

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