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Cops Raid Granny's Closet

Stash of Coloring Books Seized


(SNN) Birdtown, MN. - Birdtown locals are shocked and saddened to learn that everyone’s favorite resident, retired elementary teacher and grandmother, Arlis Anderson, was recently issued a warning by local police after they searched her bedroom closet for items believed to belong to a local activist group, Colorists United in Sassy Solidarity or CUSS.

Tipped off by local second grader, Lila Leopold, Police Chief Jason Jepson, accompanied by Lila and the Blue Rookies Cop Squad, personally delivered the search warrant after his Tuesday afternoon nap.  Jepson struggled to hand the warrant to his former school teacher, Anderson, after having flashbacks of being detained after school for packing a water pistol.  

While the defiant granny looked on, the rookies pulled out stacks of coloring books, gel markers, crayons, and colored pencils. Student Leopold, representing second graders everywhere, told Chief Jepson that Granny Arlis and her CUSS girls were trying to take away their childhood right by coloring in local coffee shops while the kids were trapped in school, unable to confront the group to explain that coloring is for kids, not grannies.

“We want CUSS out of our business!” shouted Leopold. “Those ladies should learn to knit and leave the coloring to us kids. It’s just not right. They had their chance back in the olden days.”

A sympathetic Jepson, remembering carefree days spent with his drawing and coloring toy, Mighty Men and Monster Maker, tried to reason with Granny Arlis, requesting that she hand over her stash to Leopold.

“No way, Jason J! These are adult coloring books. They’re not for kids. Check your Twitter feed, #coloring #adultcoloring, you’ll see that CUSS is not out to co-opt kids’ coloring books. We have our own. Ask your mom, the VP of CUSS, she can explain."

Shocked by the revelation that his own mother was involved in CUSS, the incident ended peacefully with Anderson giving Chief Jepson a vintage 1980s water gun in exchange for shredding the warning. Granny Arlis also gave a cash donation to Leopold for the purchase of kid themed coloring books to be given to all local second grade classes.   

Photo: Some Rights Reserved from Lea Latumahina flickr photostream. The Sage nor this article endorsed. Original image found here.

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