news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Ugly Walmart Shopper Attacks SmartPhone Photog

Photo: She was on her way to an Ewok party

(SNN) Olga Volga, who was seriously on the wrong side of most commonly accepted attractiveness scales, attacked 19 year-old Orville Norville with her walking stick, after she caught him taking her picture.

“This whacked out old lady was screaming ‘I know what you’re up to. I have the internet,’” said store shopper, Phoebe Jeeby. “Then she took her stick and hit the phone right out of that young man’s hands. Pretty handy with that stick, I’d say.”

Police Inspector Hector Lechter said this is not an isolated incident and they are getting many reports of seriously ugly, obese and/or poorly dressed Walmart shoppers lashing out at people who take their picture without permission.

"We don't know why this is happening but we will get to the bottom of this mysterious trend," declared the Inspector. 

Walmart VP of Explaining, Nancy Schmancy, said at a press conference following the incident, the company welcomes everyone to their stores from all walks of life and of every taste and style. She stressed the corporation would not only prefer people refrain from invading others’ privacy in their stores, but also that laundry detergent was on special this week.

Unaltered Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Denis Bogomolov Flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can also be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from Chris McKerracher



Most Viewed

Promote Your Business

Social Activity

Top ^