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Self Serve Kiosks to be Implemented in Common Bawdy Houses

Hustlers modify business models - anticipate increase in minimum wage

(SNN) With the news that major fast food chains have implemented self service kiosks in the U.S. and Canada, reports of other low to mid level positions held by service industries are to follow. The move to replace workers with machines is not a new one, but according to economists, the pressure from a failing economy and the threat of increased higher minimum wages is the motivator behind it.

“We understand fast food services and retail establishments embracing the technology," advised Penny Pinser from the Edmonton based Dewey Cheatem & Howe. “What is a surprise is the move to replace humans in the hospitality industry.”

What Pinser is referring to is an initiative first implemented in Amsterdam, and is now being looked at in Las Vegas, as well as in Edmonton, “What we have seen are not just places like hotel booking services, or restaurant servers, but professions like dating services, and pleasure palaces.” advised Pinser

In 2012, Amsterdam implemened automated courtesans in a city where the profession is legal and strictly regulated. “In Amsterdam, there are three levels of concubines,” advised Dik Fokken, Assistant Minister of Health, in Rotterdam. “Entry, or first level courtesans provide basic stimulation, second level, more, and third, well you understand...”

According to Associated Syndicated Services, key players in Edmonton are looking to implement the three levels of workers in that city. “The problem is that the level one hookers are paid minimum wage, and the increase to fifteen dollars an hour will force many whore houses to close down. “Johns just are not willing to pay that wage for heavy petting,” was the word from Edmonton based Madam Fonda Cox.

The Dutch kiosks that are being looked at are fully interactive with touch screens, biofeedback sensors, pressure sensitive pointers and hand sanitizers. “So far, client reviews [in Edmonton] are positive with only one incident requiring medical attention. “There is no concerns about disease, “ advised Fokken, “however a few have been rubbed the wrong way.”

Image: Some Rights Reserved by Nine J.G. The Sage News nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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