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U.S. Proctologist Blamed for Killing Barney the Dinosaur


(SNN) Barney the Dinosaur, a much-loved purple and green Tyrannosaurus rex who lived with the backyard gang in Texas, was recently killed by a doctor. That doctor is said to be Bennett DeWaist, a proctologist from Minnesota. DeWaist is said to have paid $25 for the privilege of killing the Super dee-duper Dino with a Model 22 Glock.

Barney was protected in Texas on a game preserve for disenfranchised television stars. According to the Associated Syndicated Service, Barney was lured out of Texas using Skittles and M&M candies until he was just inside the state of Arkansas. Once off the preserve, Barney was shot one hundred and thirty-seven times.

“Arkansas is notorious for targeting annoying has-been children's characters,” stated Pop-culturist Theo Binker from the Pop Culture Task Force. “Last year haters from Arkansas held the famous couple, Bert and Bernie, for ransom.”

DeWaist, an avid big game hunter, said that he had "hired several professional guides, and they secured all proper permits. “To my knowledge, everything about this trip was legal and properly handled," stated DeWaist.

Barney was a beloved and optimistic Dinosaur loved by children throughout North America. He was first noticed on a recurring nature show called “Barney and Friends" which ran for 30 episodes until it was cancelled by PBS, prompting fans to initiate a letter writing campaign and phone call campaigns to local PBS stations.

It is suspected that a leaked memo indicating that Barney would be coming back to television this fall, with a full schedule and media campaign, may have promoted this shooting

The killing has been met with mixed reviews. “As far as I am concerned DeWaist is a hero,” stated one father, “The purple monster really grades the nerve. I wanted to shoot him myself.”

One thing for sure, Dr. DeWaist is being hounded by Twitter followers, and social media users alike prompting DeWaist to shut down his website and temporarily closed his practice.


Image: Screen capture from video, “Barney - I love you song HD” Osterling Youtube Channel.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
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