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US Senators React to Duffy-Gate

Photo: Wait a minute... he was paying the money back?


(SNN) After a briefing to the US Congress on current Canadian politics, provided by Canadian Ambassadors, Gary Doer and Wayne Gretzky, a number of Washington’s political elite are scratching their heads over the scandal that is rocking Canada; namely Duffy-gate.

“It sounds like he is guilty of conduct expected of a senator,” frowned John McCain (no relation to the famous eastern-Canadian french fry freezing family). “So this politician went around politicking. Okay, I get it was on the taxpayers dime but isn’t everything we senators do? We’re senators 24/7, Mister.”

“So let me get this straight,” said Rand Paul during the question period following the presentation. “This Duffy fellow owed the taxpayers money and another fellow in the same party, who already had considerable influence over him, tried to help him pay it back. This is a crime in Canada?”

Ted Cruz, born in Calgary, the same city Gary Doer led so admirably as mayor for so many years, was equally perplexed. “In Texas, we don’t call that a scandal,” he asserted. “We call that doin’ the right thing. It’s practically unheard of around these parts.”

Hillary Clinton, who has just completed a cross-Canada speaking tour doing her “best of” material, was quite bewildered.

“This is about 90 THOUSAND? Like, just four zeroes? How quaint. That’s not even a serious bribe around Washington. Boy, the amount of money Bill and I have been accused of misappropriating along the way has been close to a billion, at least. The people still like me, though!”

Unaltered Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Gage Skidmore Flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can also be found here.

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