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Putin; Nemtsov Used "Suicide by Hired Gun" to Hurt Putin's Image

Photo: Putin with Medvedev and Guy with Hysterically Large Hat

(SNN) According to an initial report, the leader of the Russian opposition, Boris Nemtsov, was gunned down by a contract killer which Nemtsov had hired himself. The motive for the killing was to discredit his sworn enemy, Vladimir Putin, according to the lead investigator, who is coincidentally, also Vladimir Putin.

“The preliminary finding of the lead investigator indicates there is no conflict of interest for the prime suspect to also be the lead investigator,” declared Putin over the state-run television station, pre-empting the Russian game show, “The Price is Fixed”.

“I am so serious about getting to the bottom of this suicide, I have put my best man on the job; myself,” Putin proclaimed. “I will make sure I have done a thorough investigation before declaring Nemtsov had himself gunned down to make me look bad.”

His closest advisors and friends were quick to support Putin’s approach to criminal investigation, and any other idiotic thing that might come out of the President’s mouth. 

“Seems legit,” said one of his best friends and most trusted allies, who refused to allow us to use his real name but was found dead hours later anyway.

Putin is having his investigation filmed and is posting it on Russian TV as a sitcom entitled “The Shirtless Sheriff”.  It airs immediately after “Storage Wars; Crimea”. 

Unaltered Photo: Some Rights Reserved  by Jurg Vollmer flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can  be located here.
DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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