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Alabama Gay Marriage Rollout in Chaos

KKK tradition of "First Knight" nipping plans in the bud

(SNN) – Recent changes in state law that allowed gay couples to wed in the conservative state of Alabama, have been suspended in some cities. Alabama's chief justice issued an order to stop judges from granting licences, a degree that was quickly obeyed in parts of the state that are influenced by the Klu Klux Klan.

According to Assistant District Attorney, Cletus Wilberforce, the act of wedding two males in matrimony is in violation of KKK cultural sensitivities. “Well hell, that fancy pants in the White House is messing with tradition,” stated Cletus, “I mean, if two boys want to live together, well alright, but they cannot be married, period!”

Gay Marriages are a violation of KKK Rights.

According to a Bylaw that originated in the city of Birmingham in 1832, the Loyal White Knights of the KKK have the right to exercise “droit du seigneur” ("right of the lord") providing clansmen the right to “First Knight.”

The act of “First Knight” goes back to the Dark Ages, where nobleman exercised the right to consummate the marriages of their subjects, by bedding down the bride on the honeymoon.

“Accordingly, KKK clansmen are an important part of consummation into the “confederation,” stated Cletus.

“It took us completely by surprise,” advised Cletus. On the honeymoon of one couple from a Birmingham wedding; “The boys went in with full regalia, and with due diligence began to beget the bride,” added Cletus.

“Billy-Bob has not been the same since,” stated Cletus. “You got to understand; we got to protect our clansmen.”

Cletus advised that it is difficult to see while wearing the white hoods, and that “First Knight” has always been carried out in full regalia. “The boys have always looked forward to, you know, kinda feeling their way around,” advised Cletus. “This time, it was just too confusing. At one point the poor boy thought he was milking a cow.”

Currently the cities of Birmingham, Pinson, Ashland, and Red Bay have suspended gay marriages.  

Image: Some Rights Reserved by Martin flickr photostream. The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

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