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MPs To Use Sexual Consent Form

Photo: MPs have their own express lane.


(SNN) - The Speaker of the Canadian House of Commons, Andrew Scheer, has finally released an interim report into the sexual proclivities of the Members of Parliament. Included in the report was a form to be used by all MPs, regardless of the circumstance. The consent form, produced by Karnal Konsulting of Kenora, promises to provide significant risk liability reduction for those who use it conscienciously.

Name of MP:_____________________________________

Name of Victim:___________________________________

Relationship of Victim to MP (Circle one)
a) Staffer
b) MP (same party)
c) MP (other party)
d) MP (pot party)
e) food delivery person
f) spouse

I, ( name of MP) do solemnly swear that to ensure I have permission to proceed at all recognizable junctures in a sexual relationship, including asking to get to each ‘base’ before going to it, and providing at least a five minute warning before ‘going all the way’ to provide time for second, third and fourth thought.

I also swear to keep my mouth shut about the liaison until I die, unless some news guy asks me about it while thrusting a camera or microphone in my face.

And finally, I swear that if the poop hits the propellor, I’ll deny everything and call your reputation as a floozie/rake (circle one) into question.

Signature of MP: _________________________________________________

I, (name of victim) do solemnly swear to sign off on each base prior to accessing said base by the MP and to verify with by signature that the base had been gained with my permission. (See below for base information)

I swear to be vague enough about my interest to keep my options open leaving rejection until the last minute, when it will do the most psychic damage.

I swear to be discrete about the liaison, unless I find it advantageous not to be.

Pre-Approval Section (To be filled out by victim)

First base (kissing, necking, light ‘accidental’ groping) preapproval: (Victim signs here): ______________________________

Base completed safely as approved (Victim signs here): __________________________________

Second base (Chest/Boobage fondlage) preapproval: (Victim signs here): ______________________________

Base completed safely as approved (Victim signs here): __________________________________

Third base (Hoohah brouhaha) preapproval: (Victim signs here): ______________________________

Base completed safely as approved (Victim signs here): __________________________________

Home run (low and inside) preapproval: (Victim signs here): ______________________________

Base completed safely as approved (Victim signs here): __________________________________

Extra Innings (Sicko) preapproval: (Victim signs here): ______________________________

Base completed safely as approved (Victim signs here): __________________________________

PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO SIGN THE NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT ON PAGE 69 OF THIS PACKAGE.


Unaltered Photo: Some Rights Reserved  by Brooke Novak  flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can  be located here.

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