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Patriots' Bill Belichick on Deflategate: 'I have no knowledge'

Do the New England Patriots have the balls it takes to play in the NFL?

(SNN) - In a report published by ESPN, the discovery that 11 of 12 balls used by the New England Patriots were inflated below league-required limits, shocked the league into a scandal that is being referred to as “Deflategate”. “I have no knowledge,” came the response Thursday from New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick. Quarterback Tom Brady was quick to confirm Belichick's response, “It's true; Bill has no knowledge, none, zip, nada, zilch, nothing.”

In fact, the Sage has received direct testimony from many team members that contradicts the ESPN report. “They don't know what they are talking about,” came the response from Brady. “Every team member here knows it; we've got hard balls.”

According to other players across the NFL, the Patriots are known to have soft balls. “They can't hide the truth anymore,” came the response from former San Francisco 49'er Kwame Harris. “They all have soft balls, well maybe their wide receiver, Danny Amedola, has harder balls; but the rest, soft, damn near squishy!”

However this scandal plays out, it will be left to a special panel to decide. Do the New England Patriots have the balls it takes to play in the NFL?   

Image(cropped): Some Rights Reserved by Keith Allison flickr photstream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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