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Security Plan Revealed For Harper Speech

Photo: Channel 12's new attack traffic copter

(SNN) - The Sage News has come into the possession of the classified plans showing the list of security people and equipment being used to protect Prime Minister Harper at a public appearance honouring Sir John ‘Eh’ McDonald, the Founding Father figure for the northern nation.

The list was received by Sage editors when person or persons unknown slid the information contained in a plain brown flash drive under the door to their palatial offices. Here then, is the list of resources being brought to bear on security for the PM.

Security By the Numbers

  • 50 Regular police officers (No constipated ones, please.)
  • 50 JTF2 special forces members (JTF stands for their targets being Just Totally F’ed)
  • 12 Rooftop snipers around the venue to provide exterior surveillance.
  • 5 Rooftop Singers to provide entertainment with some nice folk music.
  • 6 Attack helicopters. (Since most are in the shop, we will need to commandeer the Channel 12 traffic copter and arm the pilot with a gun or something.)
  • 24 security closets spaced every 20 metres from the PM’s armoured Smart Car to the stage where the speech will take place.
  • 20 CSIS agents
  • 10 CIA terrorism experts brought in under special contract
  • 20 more CSIS agents to watch the CIA agents
  • 50 bylaw officers handing out speeding and parking tickets in and around the event to help pay for it all.

Unaltered Photo: Some Rights Reserved by David Merrett flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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