news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Calgary man claims he has DNA of Bigfoot


(SNN) - Simio Peludo believes that he has the DNA of Bigfoot, according to the journal “Cryptid Monthly.” Cryptid Monthly is most notable for the discovery of a living Bunyip in 2010 on an island off the coast of Australia. The publication has released documentation that proves that Mr. Peludo has the DNA of Bigfoot, and willing to share it with a proper investigative body.

Dr. Johan Bindwidnail from the BFRUS has gone on record to state that he believes Mr. Peludo's claim, which he bases on personal testimony and visual confirmation. “Although the DNA tests have yet been submitted, it is very apparent that Peludo has Sasquatch DNA. It is only a matter of time until we get the results.”

Peludo first suspected he had Big Foot DNA when he was just fourteen years old.

According to Peludo, he first suspected something was wrong when he entered into puberty. “Like my friends, I was looking forward to receiving hair on special parts of my body,” claims Peludo. “When it finally happened, other changes came as well.” Peludo claims that hair grew all over his body, and his pee pee receded which he brought it to his mothers attention; but the news was received with indifference. “I thought I had hypertrichosis and talked to my mom about it, but she just told me not to worry about it, and said, 'thats to be expected'. ”

Family portrait a clue.

Dr. Bindwidnail has stated that Peludo was raised by a single mother, but as a young teen his mother, Perra Peludo, lived alone in the Three Sisters Mountains just south of Dead Man Flats, along the Bow River of the Canadian Rockies. “She was known to be a recluse, and only came to the attention of outsiders when it became apparent that the birth of Simio was going to cause difficulties. Simio was born in the Town of Canmore, his birth weight was 22 lbs 5 oz..

Today, Simio Peludo is a large man with oversized feet, hair covering 90 percent of his body, a tiny pinga, and feet consisting of additional joints on six of his toes.

The DNA results are expected to be shared by "Cryptid Monthly" by mid February of 2015. 


Image: Some Rights Reserved by Tricia photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
More from Brian K. Hahn

 

Recent

Most Viewed

Promote Your Business


Social Activity



Top ^