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Jackie Chan selected as the new James Bond

(SNN) – Hollywood has shaken the world of James Bond with the latest news release that Jackie Chan has officially been selected as the new 007. “I am very honoured and etcited to be the new Bwond,” came the response from the Asian action hero, Jackie Chan. “Jackie has been practicing the signature opening lines from the script in front of the mirror,” came the news from Jackie's wife, Lin Feng-jiao, adding, “My name is Bwond, James Bwond.”

In this version of the 007 canon, James Bond is from Fuqing, China!

The newest Bond outing is said to be based on the Johan Gardinor novel “The Man from Fuqing.” The story is a prelude to all other James Bond outings and takes place during World War II. As the story begins, Bond (Chan) is dropped into the middle of a Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union, codenamed "Operation Fuqing". “Chan is the perfect Bond,” came the word from Gardinor. “For the first time we will see Bond taking out the bad guys with real British panache.” 

Chan has been signed up as the MI6 super-spy for the next three Bond outings. “It going to be wery etsiting to plway Bwond,” concluded Chan.

Image: Some Rights Reserved by Francesco Chillari flickr photo stream. The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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