news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Canada in Flames Over Tim's $.10 Increase

Photo: They stand on guard for tea.

(SNN) - Violent protests have broken out across Canada in reaction to an announcement by Tim Hortons that they are increasing the price of a number of their menu items and coffee servings by a dime. The situation in Toronto was grim as police cars were overturned and stores were looted of their Tassimo and Keurig machines.

In practically every major city across the land, as well as Ottawa, protestors mobbed Tim Hortons locations; many wielding signs saying "We're switching to Second Cup!" It was noted, however, that many of the protestors were taking a lot of breaks inside the Tim's restaurants. It is rumoured since the protests began, Tim's have experienced a 12.8% increase in sales.

"This is highway robbery!" exclaimed one Vancouver-based protestor, Anita Kuppojo, as she sipped her triple-double while taking five (donuts). "How can they justify this? I'm on a fixed income and can barely afford the three cups a day I have as it is!"

"This increase will definitely be a hardship for me," claimed Ling Codner, a once-loyal Tim's customer in Cornerbrook, NL. "With my coffee and a muffin every day, that represents an increase of almost 5% in my monthly morning snack budget. I could be out over six bucks a month!"

Tim Hortons officials could not be reached for comment as they had all signed up for the witness protection program.

Altered Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Montecruz Foto  flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
More from Chris McKerracher



Most Viewed

Promote Your Business

Social Activity

Top ^