news director

Please Support our Sponsors

"Let's make brutality films, too!" Harper Urges Coalition

Photo: The guy at the back creeps me out...


(SNN) - Word has leaked out that Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper is suggesting to the leaders of the Tactical Islamic State Coalition Targeting Iraqi and Syrian Combatants, or TISCTISC for short, to start taking the biblical behest of “an eye for an eye” to heart. He wants the coalition forces to begin brutalizing all the ISIS fighters they capture and videotaping the brutality to show we are every bit as scary as they are.

“I realize an eye for an eye is pretty old school but we have to do something,” Harper confided to a philodendron when the other world leaders were busy talking amongst themselves. “Trying to blow them to bits with bombs and drones doesn’t appear to be getting through to them.”

When approached by the press for reaction, German diplomat, Hugo F. Eurzelf, said that the response was mixed among those at the meeting.

“Although most leaders tried to ignore Harper, as they usually do, a couple of them thought the brutality videos weren’t a bad idea,” conceded Eurzelf. “Cameron from the UK asked if we had drones that could remotely rape and pillage ISIS soldiers and was advised US Robotics, in tandem with General Dynamics, Snap-On-Tools and the people who make the Sham-Wow were very close to finishing the prototype  but wanted more time to make the cloaking device.”

“According to history, no one has ever stopped a determined group from holding ground by bombing them,” said American attaché, Noddan Einstein. “However, it’s great for the evening news and shows the TV crowd you’re doing something about bad things happening. Plus it’s fun! Brutality, however, will only fascinate the public until Criminal Minds comes on which is far more gruesome. Besides, it was ISIS' own brutality that got everyone’s dander up in the first place. If ISIS weren’t such social media darlings, we’d be sitting this one out still.”

When asked for his opinion on Harper’s plan, French official, Michelle Mabelle was brief, “We don’t listen to Harper. He still defends going into Iraq to look for WMD’s. Worse, instead of videos, he calls them ‘fillems’.”


Unaltered PhotoSome Rights Reserved by Tavis Ford flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
More from Chris McKerracher

 

Recent

Most Viewed

Promote Your Business


Social Activity



Top ^