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Cuts Put Canada's Troop Strength Behind Barbados

Photo: Canada's helicopter

(SNN) - In order to back up his courageous war of words with Russian strongman, Vlad “You know I’m Bad” Putin, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has slashed military spending. The cuts to allocations for the army have had some dire consequences with the most obvious being a perilous drop in the size of Canada’s army. (See a list of all countries' troop strength here.)

“It’s not how big it is, it’s what you do with it that’s important,” said a stern-faced Harper through a video link via a PR drone at the offices of The Sage News. “Although we are now getting edged out by such nations as Barbados and Berundi, our military might, on a per capita basis, is still larger than countries like Mali, Burkina Faso and Cameroon.”

“In fact,” continued the Prime Minister proudly, “in relative numbers we are still far ahead of Ethiopia, Gambia and even military powerhouse, Togo. Sadly, with our troops strength falling to just 2 active military members per 1000 population, we have unavoidably dropped behind Berundi at 2.1 and Yemen at 2.9.”

Armed forces analysts who report directly to the Prime Minister have heartily endorsed the defense cuts. Some have even suggested there is still more room to trim costs in aging veterans' pensions.

“Nobody likes budget cuts,” admitted Harper defense advisor, now-retired General Des Astor, who was at one time in command of every latrine in the entire Afghanistan war theatre. “However, if Mr. Harper wants to brag about balancing the budget in time for the 2015 election, slashing the DND was the only way to do it without a bunch of whining from civilians. In critical times, we all have to suffer a bit. Well, except the politicians, of course. That would be ridiculous.”

The impact of defense cuts was felt throughout the armed forces. As a result of these cuts, our fleet of aging F-18’s can only fly every second Thursday due to the budget for fuel being removed almost entirely. Meanwhile, our warship is being retrofitted with sails to save on diesel.

“Don’t worry about defense spending,” assured the PM. “We will reinstate it right after the election. Unless the Liberals or NDP win, of course, in which case, as far as cuts go, b-b-b-baby, you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.”

Stemming from his last statement, Canadian band, Bachman, Turner, Overdrive are now suing Harper for copyright infringement.

Unaltered PhotoSome Rights Reserved by Jamie McCaffrey  flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here

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