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Iran to Boost Babies, Banning 'Big Snip' & Birth Control

Photo: Members of the People's Vasectomy Committee Deliberate

(SNN) - The government of Iran has taken steps to ensure, down the road, there will be even more Iranians. In a quest to bolster their population numbers, Iran has made vasectomies illegal. As has been reported by these important newspapers here, here and here, as well as the Toronto Sun here.  Iran’s purpose for the ban is to bolster their population, one Iranian at a time. In fact, parliament is planning further law changes to increase the nation's birth rate according to parliamentary spokesman, Merlo Shirazi, who was immediately beheaded for talking too much.

"At this point, we are getting desperate for more people," explained a nervous Ali Yabba Dabbadoo, the hastily appointed replacement for poor Mr. Sherazi,  "We are even considering making Barry White music mandatory and filling Iranian TV with romantic comedies such as ‘Three Brides and a Bridesmaid’, ‘Father of the Brides’ and ‘Seven Brides for Seven Brotherhood Members’. We need to get the ball rolling, if you know what I mean, and porn featuring burkas, frankly just doesn’t work out."

In fact, a number of previously illegal activities are being considered in the hopes of encouraging hanky-panky in the populace. Unfortunately, in their place are new laws censuring such practices as any type of sex that cannot produce offspring or doing things such as “pulling out”. These anti-reproductive acts, according to the official, are being actively discouraged and will be monitored by the government with the latest surveillance technology.

Another step to boost the birthrate was parliament mandating that every second condom have a small hole in the end. Men across the nation were lined up to apply for the job of putting a little prick in the condoms.

“We are trying everything we can to keep child-encouragement efforts as dignified as possible,” said Sherazi. “If these efforts are not productive enough, we may be forced to take extreme measures. We might have to allow college and university students to drink their faces off. It seems to work in the West.”

Unaltered PhotoSome Right Reserved by UnicefIran flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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