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Duffy Paternity Defense: 'I Was Born A Woman'

Photo: 'Michelle' in happier times

(SNN) - Mike Duffy claims that it is “preposterous” that he could have a Peruvian love-child because he was actually born female and underwent gender reassignment surgery in 1968, using material harvested from his cranium.  In an interview with the Ottawa newsmagazine, “Disgraced Politicians Today”, Duffy asserted that he would have been thrilled to admit someone on the planet had found him physically attractive; but thus far, no luck.

“I am sorry for the young lady being so misguided; it is obvious I cannot be her father,” said Duffy in the article, “but it’s a ridiculous charge. People found out I had no kahunas in Junior High gym class. It’s been apparent for decades.”

When asked about his past marriage and two children, ‘Michelle’, as Duffy likes to be called in private moments, by himself, was quite candid.

“In the public eye as I have always been, it is essential to look as normal as possible,” explained ‘Michelle’, “A wife was great cover. I’m not sure how the kids happened, though. I have been stumped by that for years.”

Duffy couldn’t provide many details about his gender reassignment operation, claiming to have been under anesthetic at the time. He thinks it was ‘some guy in PEI’, to which he added, ‘the PEI I love so much I can’t bear to be away from’.

“Gosh, I know nothing about drug mules in Canada in the 70’s,” said Duffy, his eyes almost unsquinting for a moment. “The only mules I’ve heard about are the ones Del Mastro was selling on Wikipedia.”

Unaltered Photo: Some Right Reserved by Joel Henner flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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