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Sage News Sorry For Kevin Newman Axing

'We didn't think the screw up was THAT serious!'


(SNN) - Just days after a Kevin Newman Live staffer contacted this writer concerning a Sage News piece from Oct 13, 2013, which you can find here, the seasoned tele-journalist had his show cancelled. The news program, which tried to capture a younger audience than most current affairs productions, was yanked after just seven months. The story the program was following regarded the naming of sports teams, such as the Washington Redskins and Edmonton Eskimos. This reporter had satirically claimed an Inuit protest group had picketed an Eski game; but fortunately, no shots were fired..

"I really felt terrible when I heard the news about Kevin," I said candidly in an interview with myself. "Although it was just one of his minions that had called me, I really feel Kevin and I had somehow made a real connection, even though he doesn't answer my calls."

The incident began when the following email was received at the opulent Sage News World Headquarters. It was sent by a person claiming to be Jordan Chittley.

“I work for the national news show Kevin Newman Live and we are working on a segment for a show this evening about the Redskins possibly being forced to change their name and logo. We are wondering if we may be able to speak with you about if the Eskimos should have to change their name and a protest you covered in October. It would be for about a 5-minute on-camera interview that we can do from our Edmonton studio or via Skype. The best time for us would be about 7:30 MT, but we can be somewhat flexible. Thanks for your help and I look forward to hearing from you.”

This columnist was so excited, there was risk of an unfortunate "urine in the trousers" incident. Staff got so delirious at the prospect of one of their own being interviewed on Kevin Newman Live, they ordered in pizza and left work soon after in a conga line out to the parking lot. I debated whether I should let this Chittley individual know that the story, like all the other stories in our satire section, is well, you know, satire. After wrestling with my conscience and losing four falls out of three, I sent the following email in response.

“I am terribly sorry to advise you that, as thrilled as I would be about discussing the Eskimo situation, the story I wrote was pure satire. It was not factually based but to make a point about the silliness of the name issue.

I would still be open to the interview but thought I better caution you on the content of the piece. Please advise if you are still interested in the interview.”

‘Oh please still want to interview me!’ this scribe thought pathetically panicked that he might miss his five minutes of fame. Maybe it might lead to the other ten minutes!

Then came the quick response. Forefinger sweat soaked the keyboard as this correspondent jabbed at the keyboard to open the email.

“I realized that after I sent you the email. Thanks for your help and honesty. We are having issues trying to figure out what to say about this issue so it isn’t looking like we are going to do an interview about it.”

He didn’t mention that another reason they didn’t do the interview was because they were about to be cancelled, but I don’t blame him for not bringing it up. I’m sure he knew I would feel bad enough already.

The Sage deeply regrets any involvement we may have inadvertently had on the cancelation, but we have the utmost confidence Mr. Newman will land on his feet in some lucky newsroom elsewhere and will be back in our living rooms in no time. We just hope Jordan will be okay.


Unaltered Photo: Some Right Reserved by Halifax The Forum flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Entertainment and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
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