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Ottawa Introduces New Prostitution Legislation

Cracks down on Johns, but Introduces Medical Prostitution.


(SNN) - Keeping his promise to be tough on crime and at the same time appease 'the lefty', Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper and his government have introduced new prostitution Bill C36.5 that has staunch 'right wingers' vibrating, and 'lefties' reaching for their massage oils.

In a statement today, Justice Minister Peter MacKay stated, “Our government needs to protect those who are most vulnerable by going after the perpetrators, the perverts, those who are consumers of this degrading practice.” In the same breath, MacKay went on to state that they want to recognize the physical and therapeutic properties of prostitution. “We have included a provision in the new law that will allow doctors and certified pharmacists the ability to prescribe prostitution for medical purposes,” advised MacKay. “Yes, we beat the Dutch; and Canada is the first country to coin the term, “Medical Prostitution.”

The announcement was applauded by opposition Liberal Leader, Justin Trudeau.

According to an addendum filed with Bill C36.5, a recent study shows that the act of engaging a hooker releases a chemical in the body known as THC (Titillatahypercoitusinol), a psychoactive component present in the illicit-orgasm of men who stray. Recent research has proven THC to be medically useful and is a component that has been known to cure Erectile Dysfunction (ED), incontinence, and blurry vision in some men.

Justice Minister Peter MacKay says the "made-in-Canada" model targets johns and pimps while protecting those men needing help with ED.

The reaction across the border was quick. Rick Sanatorium, an American attorney and Republican Party politician on a KAKA-FM radio talk show Wednesday stated, “Canadians are going down a slippery slope with this medical prostitution nonsense. First, I know for a fact that regulated hooker-based THC does not help with erectile dysfunction.” When asked to clarify how he received those facts, Sanatorium deflected by stating that no government harvested medical prostitution scheme would provide the same punch of THC as hookers provide on the streets. “It's weaker than what is on the streets, that's all I will say.”

The new bill comes just two days after the Justice Department released the results of an online survey that revealed a majority of respondents felt that buying sex should be illegal, even for medical purposes. However, two-thirds of the more than 31,000 respondents voted in favour of making Medical Prostitution available by prescription.


Photo (cropped)Some Rights Reserved by waltarrr flickr photosteam, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

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