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Hurricane Naming To Be Changed Due to Sexism

Photo: Monsterous Storms Heading Our Way?


(SNN) - The world meteorological community is poised to change how hurricanes are named in light of reports that their current policy of alternating boys and girls names to be a dangerous practice. A recent study published in the prestigious scientific journal, "The Sydney Morning Herald" (available here and at better newstands worldwide) says that female hurricanes are over three times deadlier than their male-named counterparts. 

The University of Illinois research team that studied the death tolls from every hurricane between 1950 - 2012 in the US, hypothesized that people are less likely to take female-named hurricanes seriously. It is, according to the staff socio-sexual-meteo-anthropologist, Dr. Luca de Skye, a clear case of 'mass meteoological sexism'

Given the huge gap in male versus female hurricane fatalities, the World Meteorological Council and Glee Club says from now on, hurricanes will be named after scary monsters from historical literature and pop culture. This effort will be to drive home the danger the public is dealing with when facing hurricane preparedness, according to WMC&GC spokesmeteorologist, Isobel Isobar.

"Imagine the difference in emergency preparations if, instead of Hurricane Pricilla, you had Hurricane Mothra, Hurricane Werewolf or Hurricane World Banking System," said Isobar. "These would really scare people. You can guarantee they wouldn't take Hurricane Jaws lightly, either."

Other hurricane names being put forward are;

  • Hurricane Frankenstein
  • Hurricane Chimera
  • Hurricane Snakes on a Plane
  • Hurricane I was a Teenage Dracula
  • Hurricane Son of Sam
  • Hurrikingkong
  • Hurricane The Borg
  • Hurricane Shelob
  • Sharknadoicane

"Having such great new names to use is so exciting," grinned Isobar. "I can't wait until we have another hurricane so we can try this out!"


Somewhat altered Photos: Some Rights Reserved by NASA Goddard Space Flight Centre and William Warby flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here and here

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
 
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