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Alberta Oilsands Mobbed By Touring Celebrities

Photo: Daryl Hannah: Eco-Tourism Pioneer

(SNN) It started as a trickle; an actor here, a UN diplomat there. Then it was movie directors and burnt out rock stars of yesteryear. Now that Bishop Tutu from coal burning, Boer-killing, blood diamond funded South Africa has shown up, the floodgates have opened and everybody who is anybody on the planet feels driven to take a pilgrimage to Fort McMurray to castigate the oil industry.

“It’s getting a little out of hand,” conceded Pedro Liam, vice-president of public relations for Syncor; a major player in the bitumen belt. “So far this week, we have had site visit requests from Al Gore, Al Franken, the Alberta All-Girl Drum and Bugle Band, the guy that was in “The Bachelor” two years ago, Robert John, Elton John, and Olivia Newton-John and the other original touring members of the movie Grease”. The list really goes on and on. Wait, there goes my phone again…. Hello? Who? Charo?”

Syncor’s main rival in the area, Suncrude, has tried to capitalize on the sudden interest by international notables and is offering a high-end enviro-tourist weekend getaway for well-heeled protestors. The package includes round-trip transportation on a private jet, unlimited helicopter rides over the most unattractive sites and Hummer tours of tailings ponds and as-yet unreclaimed lands. To top off the festivities, the guest protestors will be able to sound off in a simulated press conference with “reporters” and “TV cameramen” and a gaggle of others who will act interested in what the client has to say.

The company is currently in negotiations with Daryl Hannah to act as their pitch woman, although lawyers for both parties assert they will deny this vehemently until the deal is signed.

“One client that has contacted us recently, which we are very excited about, is Russian President Vladimir Putin!” enthused Suncrude eco-tour booking agent Hugo Poundsand. “Of all the environmentally-conscious celebrities that want to shut down our production, no one is more interested than Putin.”

Unaltered Photo: Some Rights Reserved by World Travel and Tourism Council  flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here

DISCLAIMER: The above article is provided for entertainment purposes only and the article, image or photograph held out as news is a parody or satirical and therefore faux in nature and does not reflect the actions, statements or events of real persons. The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed by the authors of The Sage Satire and forum participants on this web site do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the The Sage News Network or the official policies of the The Sage News.
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