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WHO Research: All Food Will Kill You

Photo: Bon apetit!

(SNN) - In a stunning report commissioned by the World Health Organization, it appears all foods, even those with antioxidants, minerals and vitamins and which don’t contain gluten, salt, sugar or fat, will kill you eventually or even immediately if consumed in the quantities fed to lab rats. Lead researcher, Dr. Vic Demise, claims the methodology was so exhaustive, they tried every food imaginable to see if there were any exceptions but they found none, not even water. The research team also gained, on average, twenty kilos (44 pounds) per person during the gruelling year-long study

“No food is without its side-effects,” claims Dr. Demise in the report. “From abalone to zucchini, forget rhythm, food is going to get you. It’s just like any drug or other substance you put in your body; there will be side-effects. There are trace elements of an entire periodic table full of dangerous substances at your dinner table. We all know the ravages of diabetes from too much sugar, obesity from too much fat, high blood pressure from too much salt. Nothing we take in won’t kill us eventually. Some will kill you more quickly than others; wild mushrooms, incorrectly fillleted puffer fish and .sun-dried pork chops, are examples."

Besides the content of food, according to the report, there are always issues concerning under-consumption, over-consumption and incorrect consumption, such as choking hazards. Demise used President Bush’s brush with an agonizing death by pretzel to back up his point.

“Of course, some people live long healthy lives,” admitted Demise. “We have to accept their longevity is in spite of the foods they ate, not because of them. Eventually, food will come for them, too. Food can afford to be patient.”

Unaltered Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Grapatax flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

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